Giving Up on Missing Out

I have been thinking a lot lately about fear, and how it controls what we do with our lives every day. This is the kind of post I tell myself not to post because it is too vulnerable, and too personal. However this post is about letting go of fear, and that is why I will post it.

My fears are probably similar to a lot of yours. I am afraid that I am not wanted or that I don't fit in. I try to be kind to everyone, and I talk a lot so that people will notice me so that I never feel like I am excluded. However, in doing that I have developed a way of being for myself that is not true to who I am. I am afraid that I am a misfit, I am not a misfit. I am afraid that people don't want me, I am not unwanted. It is my fear that has me acting as if, and because I act as if, I am not living for real.

Everything we do is controlled by our fears.

One of the main things I am afraid of, is people. Like everyone, I am someone who can judge harshly, and judgment stems from fear. I have noticed that most of the time when I am judging someone I create reasons to not like them, and try to justify my judgment. But then I'll take a look at just what it is about them that I am judging, and I don't have anything negative to say about them. I have found that the people I am judging are wonderful, kind, beautiful people, and I am missing out on knowing them. When this happens, I write a letter to the person, and the issue is resolved with a smile and a feeling of relief. But there are some times when I am too afraid to send the letter. Too afraid that they will misunderstand and too afraid that they will blow me off, because I am afraid that if they do that I will become a misfit. 

There is one letter in particular I have written 8 times over and over again, rewording and reworking, trying to make it sound real and kind, but also getting a point across. I am too scared of their possible reaction that I won't send it. So instead I allow myself to be disappointed in myself any time I think about them. I know I need to send this letter, because I won't be able to finally be at peace until I do.

Dorothy Thompson once said, "Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."  I think this perfectly incapsulates what I want to convey in this post. My fear of being a misfit, and my habits of judgment have led me to miss out on having friendships with people I could easily get a long with. In all honesty, I'm tired of missing out. I am so done with basing all my actions on my fears, and I am ready to live through happiness. I'd encourage you to think of what it is you are afraid of, and how different your life would be if you didn't have those fears, then decide what's stopping you from giving up on them.