My Year in Review

At the beginning of the year, I had no clue what was in store for me. I'm looking back at the resolutions I made on January first, and little did I know how much they would change in just a few days.
At the beginning of January, I attended a course called the Landmark Education Forum in Seattle. It was an empowering weekend that left me feeling unstoppable and ready to live my life, not based on choices I had made in the past, but instead based on all of the possibility of the world residing in my hands. There is really no quick way I can sum up what the Landmark Education is all about, but if there is one thing I will remember when I am old, it will be how this forum lead me to be the person I am today.
This inspired me to live an authentic life, and to embrace every moment with joy and positivity, and to bring happiness to all those I meet.
Since I made those resolutions, I started dancing a whole lot more. Just little twists and wiggles that I let out whenever I felt completely in the moment.
In 2013 I also accomplished many of the bucket list items of things to do before growing old. I learned to drive, went to my first prom,  left the country for the first time, I fell in love, made new friends, shaved my cat, turned 16, and found the square that has my grandpa's name written on it in Pike Place Market.
Over the summer, we had a friend living with us. She had also attended the Landmark forum, and it was over that weekend that we really bonded and became friends. My sister and I became even closer this year. I think the fact that she was graduating and would be starting her freshman year in college really sparked us to get closer. We had a close friend group of about 10 or so people, and we spent our summer bowling, dancing, sleeping on the roof, and daring each other to jump in the lake. We always managed to do something fun; it was really never boring.
I went on a lot of walks this year. We have such a beautiful lake, and amazing mountains to hike. I'm very lucky to live where I do, and I try get out in the scenery as often as I can.
The highlight of my year would have to be my trip to Guatemala. I went with about 15 other kids and 5 chaperons. We split into micro groups and each group had their own job. I was in the group who spent time building fuel efficient stoves for those who had previously had to cook over an open fire. Even though there was a language barrier, I tried my hardest to speak spanish, and everyone was patient with me. I found that smiling and waving worked best to create a connection with someone. Everything in Guatemala was so beautiful and full of color. The market places had such extravagant fruit, and the flowers and trees were so different from those in the states. I can't wait to go back.
2013 was also filled with music! I spent a week in Canada with my family, at a music camp where I learned about music theory, and just had an incredible time. Aside from the bees who wouldn't leave our soda alone, and the painfully long car ride(notice the picture of my sister sleeping so soundly), the trip to canada was a blast.
2013 taught me that you don't have to go looking for happiness, but if you just put a smile on your face and surround yourself with those you love, it'll be there. I tried new things, went out of my comfort zone, and it is because of that that this year was so memorable. I hope you all had a fabulous year.
2014 is full of possibilities, and I can't wait to see the way it will unfold.
Happy New Year!

The Garbage Truck Law.

For about three weeks now I have been experiencing extreme stress. It's the kind of stress that causes late night sobbing, bitchy remarks at school, and weight loss. I've been nicknamed Scrooge by a few of my friends because I refused to get into the holiday spirit. I guess it started when I realized that my piano recital was in a few weeks, and I had nothing prepared. I have been playing piano for many many years, and with the exception of the first few years, I have hated it the whole time. 8 years later, I still hate it and avoid practicing the piano as much as I can. Of course, when you avoid doing something that you are supposed to present to 50 people, once that presentation time comes along and you have nothing prepared, stress begins to build up. And oh boy, did it build up on me.
Not only was my piano lesson coming around, but I had a midterm in my precalculus class coming up, a class that I am not understanding very well. I have pulled myself together and managed to land myself a B, but it was not easy. The midterm was on material that I couldn't understand, and I found myself growing bitter toward the class. On top of that, I had to take a unit test for my AP world history class and write an essay in 30 minutes with a surprise prompt, once again, covering material I was not overly familiar with. Then of course there's my online Spanish 3 class that I am supposed to be done with by mid-January, of which I have completed a little over a third of since September.
All of this stress just adds on to the already unstable me, and as a result I'm losing weight. I've never had a problem with weight gain or weight loss, and never felt self conscious about the way I am shaped. But as I keep losing weight I have told myself, "You're too skinny. You're too skinny, gain weight. Eat more." I decided today to stop listening to the voice in my head. I'm never going to starve myself to lose weight, or over endulge to gain. I will eat when I am hungry, and I have to allow my body to react the way it will. I want to apologize to anyone I have called fat or skinny. You are who you are and that is something that I just understood today.
My sister came home in the middle of this mess, and unfortunately I have dumped it all on to her. It's like the Garbage Truck Law, which I have tried so hard to avoid. I just couldn't help it, and all of the stress and frustration that I have toward every sideways glance in school, every sarcastic comment from a teacher, every missed piano practice, and every misunderstanding with my closest friends that had all piled up to make one emotional wreck who was ready to burst at any moment. I have slowly been dumping it all on to my family and friends and I've realized that it's not fair. It took me weeks to choose not be stressed, but I'm doing it now. This is a season for giving, and cheer, and spreading happiness, and with this constant feeling of stress hanging over me like a cloud, I can not be giving, or happiness, or cheer.
However I am ready to be.
Merry Christmas to you all, and Happy New Year. Make it a powerful one.
xoxo

A Bit of Nothingness

It's like a lucid dream.
But one you can't wake up from.
Your nerves start dancing but your mind finally knows complete tranquility. The music that used to fill your ears flows through your veins so you can feel every beat, note, and strum. Moments that used to race by now are stuck on pause in a state of lethargy, only caring about floating with the breeze, reminding you that just like hot and cold, time is relative. And everything is all laid out, just waiting to be painted.